What the Hell's Wrong with HR Departments?

Now, normally, I just randomly post for new job listings using my standard resume and generic cover letter although I do have a few variations.  Personally, I think it's a load of garbage that you should "tailor" your cover letter/resume for each job.  I think that's evil HR propaganda designed to keep us wasting our time so we have to stay stuck in our current unsatisfying, low-paying jobs.   I have no desire to waste anymore time than is necessary filing out an application since no human being's actually going to read it.  And, if a human being does read it, it will most likely be rejected by some college intern from UCF who has no idea what they're doing. (This suspicion was confirmed recently when I called a person directly who had posted the job and, yes, she was a college intern who barely understood what she was doing.)

I've mostly stuck with applying on LinkedIn and Indeed.com which tend to produce better results than most of the other job sites.  Honestly, I don't even bother with Monster.com anymore.

Even on those sites, I'm frequently redirected to company job sites which seem to get increasingly more bizarre.

Some of you may be aware that I have dual careers paths, as an event producer/director/stage manager and as a senior technical writer.  Although I'm happier doing events, tech writing is more stable, less susceptible to economic tsunamis and affords me the opportunity to actually make dinner plans in advance.

So, I was doing my normal evening routine, watching bad sci-fi on television and responding to LinkedIn job postings in both fields.

Bizarre application #1 was for a tech writing position.  I go through the routine: Yes, I want to apply with my LinkedIn profile.  Then, the site makes me reenter all the same damned information and then upload my resume containing the same information. Then the HR demons want me to answer a series of very specific questions about very specific and obscure software.  So, being a writer, I make up a bunch of stuff and pretend I know what I'm talking about.  But what really gets my goat is that after 30 minutes of refilling and resubmitting the same goddamned information over and over and over again, these questions come at the END of the application rather than at the beginning which would have made me realize that 1) the job posted in LinkedIn made NO MENTION of this skill set and I wouldn't have bothered applying and 2) The company must have an internal candidate because of the very narrow focus of the questions.

Bizarre application #2 was for an event manager position.  I'm happily filling out the same questions, blithely ignoring the requests for my current salary information (none of their damned business since they need to pay based on the work, not on what I currently make) when I get to a section containing approximately 30 questions all based on some variation of the following, which I copied directly from the application

H(1). Has any domestic or foreign court: - in the past ten years, enjoined you in connection with any investment-related activity? - ever found that you were involved in a violation of investment-related statutes or regulations? - ever dismissed, pursuant to a settlement agreement, an investment-related civil action brought against you by a state or foreign financial regulatory authority?	No
SEC Question H2 H(2) Are you now the subject of any civil proceeding that could result in a "yes" answer to any part of Item H(1) above?	No
SEC Question I

I'm completely dumbfounded and all I can think about is "What the hell is going on here?"

So, there's only one logical conclusion.  All HR personnel are life-sucking, soul-destroying spawns from hell and must be destroyed immediately.

Lost

Most days I really enjoy my work and feel as though I've hit the Trifecta.  I'm doing interesting work as a technical writer, my boss is amazing and the team members, are, for the most part, intelligent, kind, competent human beings.

But ... I'm a contractor and and a woefully underpaid one at that.  Now, not to look a gift horse in the mouth and this job came along at the exact right time to prevent me from taking up residence in a cardboard box and I am grateful for it but honestly, I'm frustrated that I'm paid just slightly more than the office secretary and after spending almost two weeks at home because I'm fighting off bronchitis and praying it doesn't turn into pneumonia. I've lost two weeks of pay because, of course, I can't afford health insurance or even pay out-of-pocket for a doctor who now charge up to $200 for uninsured people.

When I found out how little I was making compared to the others on the team, I attempted to negotiate an increase.  No dice.  Actually this pissed everyone off that I had the audacity to be speaking about salary.  Ironically, the Supreme Court has stated that discussions about salary are protected although, you have to do it on approved breaks and on your own time.  Well, of course, no employer in their right mind would actually admit to firing someone because they discussed salary but they would find out about that time you took an extra 15 minutes to run to the bank last month and use that instead.  So, I shut my mouth and just suffered.

Until I found out that I can be making almost double in this market for the same job.  The irony is, I'm now the Subject Matter Expert on a software program that has millions of dollars associated with it and the company still won't increase my salary.

So, as much as I really like the people I'm with and the work, I'm looking for greener pastures and full-time work. I was burned once before by this same company who made all sorts of promises which they never honored.  "This is a temp to perm position after 6 months... " blah, blah, blah.... "We'll take care of you."  blah, blah, blah. "We want you to work here forever at a secretary's salary doing really complex things....."

Yeah right.  So, for now, I smile and drink the Kool Aid and send out my resume like crazy.  In my over-active fantasy life, I'll get that Google Technical Writing job in Mountain View, CA complete with relocation and my current employer will suddenly realize their horrible mistake and make me full-time with three weeks paid vacation and a huge "I'm sorry" bonus check and double my salary.

Well, it's a nice fantasy but that's all it is.  The moral of the story?  Get as much money as you can, discretely find out what your colleagues make and never stop looking for the dream job.

So, anyone need a Top Notch Senior Technical Writer?  Call me!